I am optimistic that this month will be better than the first three months we had this year. From death, bitter cold, sickness, germs, chaos, worry, anxious - lots of negative emotions that make me feeling super yucky at the end of the day and frankly...I. AM. SO. OVER. IT! What I really really want and need to do this month is self care. The past three months I have put everyone and everything in the forefront, which isnt a bad thing - it had to be done. Husband and immediate family needed me, my son needed me, my work needed me - shit just had to get done. Did I do it well? Nope. Not at all, there were days where by 7PM I was in bed. Tired. Weary. Drained.
I'm not happy with how I handled some of the days. Days where both my son and I would sit in front of the TV for the majority of the day. Didn't have enough energy to cook anything for my poor husband when he came home from work. Piles and piles of laundry both clean and dirty sat in their respective baskets. I'd be short with both Mike and Vincent. I remember one day I sat across the table from Vincent as he was eating away his breakfast and just burst out into tears because I wasn't being a good mother. Vincent and I have a good routine, we can communicate well with one another, we'll engage in conversation, I ask questions he responds the best way he can. But that wasn't happening. I wasnt talking. I wasnt engaging. I was somewhere else. Not present. And I just felt this wave of guilt come over me.
What keeps me going is nothing bad (or good) lasts forever and this particularly trying season will end. I am hopeful it will end sooner than later, but either way I trust God and his plan for me and my family. Here are my goals for April
- Get a manicure/pedicure
- Bust out my big camera and take more pictures. More memories.
- Interview and hire a weekend babysitter
- Go on two dates with Mike (even if it's just dinner) (1 of 2 on 4/11 - Bonefish Grill)
- Catch up on all laundry
- Start homeschool program with Vincent (finally)
- Get to the zoo
- Go on a special Vincent + Mommy Date
- Go see a movie by myself.
Hope April is a great month for you all - stay healthy!
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