Why did I fall off the face of the earth? Why did I stop writing?
I think apart of me needed a break from online life and apart of it was because ever since November my life was slowly but surely
unraveling. That during December and the months that followed knocked
me off my feet completely leaving me dizzy and unable to get my footing.
Watching my Nana slowly die, watching my
mother(and family) have to endure it, the heartache, the stress, the
feeling of complete and utter helplessness set in. The all day nausea
from my 2nd pregnancy, mixed emotions of pure elatedness of this new baby joining our growing family and sheer
despair of how sick I was, was simply exhausting and how all I wanted
was for my mom to come and touch my hair. How I got out of bed at all
is a miracle in itself - but then again it's amazing what you'll do when
you have another tiny person, a toddler, still counting on you to keep
your shit together. We lost all our babysitters around that time due to their own personal (serious) issues they had to take care , found ourselves having
to spend $500 a month on daycare, in the middle of the craziest,
crappiest winter I have ever seen in my life and realized as of maybe 3
weeks ago we hadnt had a date night since our 3rd year anniversary in
May. The grey days took hold of me and made sure I stayed down. I got
into a terrible fight with whom I thought was a dear friend of mine, it
came out of left field and frankly was unwarranted and completely
inexcusable. My son took two trips to the ER, has had multiple ear
infections, had a stomach bug twice that got me once and my husband the
other, multiple viruses and a runny nose that would not go away. And
finally, having to finally say goodbye to my Nana after months and
months of suffering. Knowing she is at peace is my only comforting
thought through it all.
My mind, my house, my
life was a mess. Everything was in disarray. I was stuck. But I feel
like within the last month or so, I am slowly but surely coming out of
the haze. I am slowly but surely starting to feel more like myself and
THANK GOD for that. Partly due to the all day nausea going away, partly
due to the sun making more of an appearance, and partly because I am
forcing myself to keep moving forward. For the last month I have been working on getting the house organized. Putting together to-do's again, not just for the day but for the coming months. Grocery shopping regularly and cooking more - even though I still dont have much of an appetite by the end of the day. I am slowly but surely making time for myself again (alone time) and i've been working hard on staying busy. Being stagnant is not good for me. The last half of 2013 and the first 2 months of 2014 were the toughest months I (my husband, families, etc) have endured but I am also very grateful to have gone through it. Adversity has brought my husband and I closer, we appreciate the smaller things in life, it has opened our eyes to our finances, and made us love those around us harder and to remember to do the right thing - even if its the harder thing to do.
I think it was appropriate to discuss the sad/dark moments of my life over the last couple months so I can again appreciate them for what they were, a particularly hard season but also a wonderful learning one as well. I anticipate the remainder of 2014 to be a wonderful one:
1.) We have 3 weddings to go to. Two of which are out of town, Traverse City and Toronto, Canada. We are planning on heading to Niagra Falls the Friday before the wedding for a quick family get away.
2.) I am investing in a business program/venture that I am SUPER excited but EXTREMELY nervous about. I'll be helping others feel better about themselves and hopefully make a little extra pocket money to help our family. More on that later.
3.) We will be welcoming our second son end of July and I am so SO very excited to meet this little guy.
4.) After our son makes his grand entrance I will be buckling down and shedding this baby weight from both pregnancies because going to be honest here, didnt loose much from my first. So I will be going at it hard and focusing on my health and happiness. I am planning on working out, eating right and drinking a TON of H20.
5.) Our landscaping in our front and backyard need some desperate tender loving care this spring. After a particularly crazy 2013 we barely touched it. We need it cleaned up, bushes trimmed, weeds pulled, plants potted, mulch laid - the list could go on.
6.) I am in desperate need of a haircut. The last time I got one was May of 2013. Almost a year. Woof. Desperate need of a cut and color. I am seeing more and more greys and I am NOT happy about that. I also need an eyebrow thread...and a facial. Hah.
Lots of exciting things going on. I have to remind myself to keep on swimming. I have to remind myself that I am pushing myself and my family forward. Now that this hiatus is over, I am planning on focusing more on on this blog as well. It's going to be a combination of every life, to-do's, favorites and more.
Thanks for being patient with me!
